The only things I care about are:
my cats and my art work.
Holy shit, this is my life right now.
The Dixon arch is so pretty. Haha. I’m ready for a vacation. The ocean sounds amazing right about now. So does skateboarding. I think I’m gonna find my way back to California this year. Maybe I’ll buy a one way ticket to long beach and just bum around for awhile. That seems to be the place to be……
Let’s go back.
View from Signal Hill.
I miss this view.
Just a small town boy, living in a lonely world….
I love Long Beach. (at Long Beach Transit Center)
Long Beach, California.
I’m stuck at a job where I love my boss to death but could give a flying fuck about anyone else who works with me. Everyone there is a shit talking dramatic bitch and only cares about what other caddy bullshit they can make up next. I’m working 40 hours a week to barely scrape by. Constantly working 1-9 because that’s the only available shift so I can’t even make time for the apprenticeship at the shop and do something I actually fucking love and want to make a career out of. My best friend, the one person I can actually rely on is always busy, which is totally awesome for her but it sucks for me. Bills are stacking up because my ex racked them up, always being home. And me, being the good person I am trying to help him catch up on his bills, loaning him money every week while I get behind on my bills. I finally had everything caught up and then his sorry ass walked in and out of my life, faster than you can say “moving to texas”. Basically I just feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, and maybe it’s just a bad week… or bad couple of weeks… but I really can’t get away from the fact that I truly cannot stand the midwest, let alone Illinois. I miss LBC, I miss the beach, I miss the waves and the ocean. I miss the friendly neighbors and constant outdoor activities I could do. I miss driving to Orange to see Rob every other night, and blaring FUN while the butterflies in my stomach churned as I pulled up to his house. I miss nights with Vanessa, talking about how it truly was fate how we wound up best friends, and how everything just fell into place. I miss making fun of Tony’s thug life tattoo, and having matching teeth with Justin when he took out his flipper. I miss sitting on the sky deck with Brandon and trying to blockade Albus in my room, only for him to break it down moments later and run into the neighbors house. As much as I hated it I miss carrying my groceries up flights of stairs to my room, only because it was my little tree house up there. Where no one could bother me, and I could sit on my roof, 40 feet off the ground, higher than most of the palm trees and over look Signal Hill one way, or the beach the other. I could hear the fireworks from Disney Land every night at exactly 9:30. As lonely as I was and as much as I missed my family, anything is better than here. In this hell hole. Where there’s shitty weather, no beaches, and cranky people. I just want to go home. I want to be happy. I want to go back to Long Beach.
the world is heavy
but your bones
(just a cubic inch)
can hold 19,000 lbs
ounce for ounce
they are stronger than steel
atom for atom
you are more precious than diamond
and stars have died
so that you may live
you need to remember these things
when you say that you are weak